Things I Never Thought I'd Say

So, in the past week, I have said things to my children that I never thought I would say...

To Jude (who tends to have a "potty" mouth, meaning he literally calls people toilet heads):
You can call people watermelon head, but you cannot call anyone a diaper head.

Also to Jude, who was shooting me with a toy machine gun while I was trying to cook supper: (If you don't believe I should let my boys play with toy guns, feel free not to share. Take it up with James Dobson )

Please don't do that to me...Go shoot your brother with the machine gun!

And, yesterday...I was having a real conversation on the phone - you know, the kind where you are talking to someone at an office with a real job, who may or may not have children, who cannot block out the incessant "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" in the background...you know, a conversation with a real person. Fortunately, the person who I talk on the phone with most has more children than I do and is very understanding when I have to put her on "hold" while I deal with whatever life threatening situation my children only seem to find themselves in when I am on the phone.

Anyway, so yesterday I was on the phone. During the seven minute conversation, EACH of my four children interrupted me at one point or another. Yes, that includes the ten year old. I managed not to change my tone of voice while I was talking. I hung up the phone with my children completely oblivious to my intense anger. I began...um...projecting my voice to explain that I was serious about not being interrupted when I was on the phone. I must have had a crazed look in my eye because Sebastian ran under his bed (this is not unusual) and Annabelle and Jude exchanged a look that clearly said, "Oh, man, we have pushed her too far. We really have pushed her over the edge this time!" It was pretty funny to me because I really wasn't yelling very loud and I didn't really say anything except that they absolutely could not interrupt me when I was on the phone. But apparently my eyes said all of the things that I was thinking - You people drive me crazy...why can I never be alone?...Can you not see the phone to my ear?...-but all I really said was,
When I am on the phone, and you see me hold my finger up, that means you cannot talk to me!
And, then I said a very intelligent comment to Annabelle, who was the most persistent while I was on the phone-
Annabelle, don't ask me for anything ever again!