One week ago

One week ago, my world was getting ready to be turned upside down. We are doing very well. We have a new normal now that includes two oral medications sprinkled on Clive's food and a shot given to him by me everyday, but we are doing well. He seems to be responding to the medication as he has been seizure free since Sunday. He is laughing and talking and cooing way much more than he was too! And almost crawling! So things are going very well.
We just keep praying for a normal EEG at the end of the month!

For me to keep track

Friday, August 24. Noticed Clive rolling his eyes and raising his arms.
Tuesday, August 28. Took Clive to pediatrician.
Friday, August 31. Clive had his EEG. It was abnormal. Jo, the NP for our neurologist, was wonderful! She goes to our church. Made me feel so much better. Dr. Knowles is the neurologist and his wife used to work with me at PlayCore. God knew I needed some people that I had connections with. Here's is where we start to see His hand in all of this: Our pediatrician didn't wait and sent the paperwork straight to the neurologist. Jo, recognizing my last name from my singing a solo a couple of weeks ago, pulls the paperwork and immediately schedules the EEG. Clive is diagnosed with infantile spasms, which means that if these spasms were allowed to go on, in two weeks there would have been irreparable brain damage done.
Once the EEG was abnormal, then we are informed that we will need to be admitted to the children's hospital here and to be prepared to stay until Monday or Tuesday. My mind is going a million miles an hour at this point. I'm numb and just functioning on auto pilot. Aside from these minor episodes that he has maybe twice a day, he's meeting his milestones and growing normally. What do you mean he's sick?!
We are allowed to go home and get our stuff and then go back to the hospital. My mom takes Zoe with her just so she doesn't have to be alone. The other three are at school.
We get settled into a room and prepare to be there awhile. Clive weighs 20 pounds 5 ounces and is 27 inches long. Adam and I start doing online research on infantile spasms which causes great concern for Clive's future. Eighty percent of children who have this have significant developmental delays and learning disabilities. At one point, however, while we are praying, we have a reality check. We are not dealing with a life THREATENING issue, but a life ALTERING one. We can face anything. His life is not in danger. Still, prognosis is not great. An MRI is scheduled for Saturday morning. Dr. Knowles is preparing us for there to be some sort of brain deformation because 80% of kids with this have some sort of brain deformity. Friday they take blood and tells us he will start ACTH injections immediately.
ACTH is a steroid injection that I will have to learn to give him daily for a month. Deep breath... He gets his first injection on Friday.
Adam goes home to meet the kids after school, trying not to upset their routine as much as possible. Annabelle's birthday is Sunday so we are preparing her for only one of us being at her party.
While Adam is gone, a social worker comes to my room to talk to me about the injections. She tells me not to worry about the cost, if my insurance denies it, it will still be covered. I'm thinking, why is she talking to me about cost? She tells me it will be delivered to my house and a pharmacy will be calling me to arrange it. This is significant because we have been admitted specifically to get this medication. We can't go home until its been delivered and it is Friday before Labor Day weekend. At some point, my friend Karla shows up. It was around 2:00 ish. They had just told me not to feed him for the next two hours so they can do the MRI. I say I thought it was tomorrow? Nope, it's been moved up. I text Adam and tell him it's going to be at 4:00. They will be putting him to sleep but not to worry Karla was with me. Karla arrives as they are trying to get an IV in Clive's fat feet or hands. They can't do it, he's screaming, great fun. MRI comes back in, says we've been bumped until 9:00 the next morning. Sigh of relief. They stop trying on the IV and I feed sweet Clive. Karla and I spend some time crying and laughing together. Christine shows up and Karla leaves. The pharmacy calls. I talk to the pharmacy while Christine loves on Clive. The lady at the pharmacy says that five minutes later and the medicine could not go out on Friday. Which means that five minutes later and we wouldn't have gotten the medicine until Tuesday because of the holiday. Wow. God again. Then she tells me that someone has to be at our house to sign for the medicine. "It's $30,000 a vial and you're getting 30 of them." I about passed out. Yes, I have the equivalent of three very nice houses in my refrigerator. I jokingly asked Adam if we could hold one back and pay off our cars with it! Here's another God moment: the social worker told me she has only seen insurance pay for these injections one time. The pharmacy lady tells me our insurance approved it and how would I like to pay my $40 copay! God is so good. Of course, at that point I would have paid anything, but God took care of it.
While I am on the phone with the pharmacy, a nurse anesthetist comes in to discuss the procedures for the MRI in the morning. Nothing I didn't already know. They were going to give him IV fluids through the night because he can't eat after midnight. They will put him to sleep for it.
Funny side note here, this guy's name was Adam. My Adam was taking care of the other four kids so in the room when Adam the NA arrived was just me, Christine and Clive. The NA Adam thought we were a couple. Christine was holding Clive while he was talking to me and she asked a question for me. It dawned on both of us about halfway through his visit but then we both were trying not to laugh and didn't want to embarrass him. When he left, we were both laughing so hard, there were tears. It was a much needed release. He had definitely had his sensitivity training!
Mandy shows up bringing chocolate!! Very much needed! Christine leaves. See how good God is? I thought I would be alone, but God sent my friends for me. Adam was able to take care of the other kids without worrying about me being alone. And then I wasn't worrying about the other kids either. He is so good.
Mandy stays until Adam gets back and we have some good prayer time together. I'm also literally getting hundreds of texts, Facebook messages and calls. Phone calls from pastors at our church: Robby, Bryan, Nathan,
Hal, Mark and Barry and Joel. So great.
We hang out and get settled in for the night. Adam and I do some research which did not leave us with a good picture. Basically the only hope for him to be normal is a clean MRI in the morning and the odds of that are not in our favor. We promise to stop reading. Adam leaves because our room literally has a couch, a chair and a huge crib in it. We are both crying and exhausted.
Nurses come in at 11:00 to start Clive's IV. They still can't get it in his arms or feet so they put it in his head. Sounds terrible but I was actually relieved because this time, they didn't try to put it in anywhere before they decided to put it in his head. I feed him a bottle around 11:30 and he goes to sleep. He sleeps all night! Another God moment. I don't sleep well, but I napped a bit, read my Bible and watched some Downton Abbey. Around 6, Clive sort of stirred so I got him and laid him on my chest and we both slept.
At 7:10, a nurse comes in and says "Okay, they're ready for you in MRI." Oh my goodness! I wasn't even awake! I ask her to hold Clive so I can go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. Clive is talking and cooing and just happy. I text Adam who gets my mom to come over. She was planning to stay at my house and wait for the medication delivery anyway. They take Clive from me to put him to sleep and do the MRI. I cried but I felt such a peace. Can't explain it. I go fix me a cup of coffee and wait in the waiting room. Adam gets there and we cry and pray together. We know this is a big deal. It takes about an hour and they take us to recovery to wait for him. While we are sitting there, Dr. Knowles walks in, looks at us and says, "Oh, you're done! I'll go read the MRI then." We are reunited with Clive who is awake and happy. He promptly eats two two ounce bottles of sugar water which he keeps down and we are taken back to our room. About 10 minutes after we get to our room, Dr. Knowles comes in to tell us that the MRI looks completely normal!!!! No abnormalities at all! Praise the Lord! We are so happy that we are crying once again! He says that while we will have to watch him and we may deal with a learning disability of some sort, he fully expects Clive to grow up and have a normal life. He also says that as long as the medicine gets delivered and I am comfortable with giving the injections, we can go home! This is still Saturday!!! Again, God is so good. Dr says it will be about 8:00-10:00 tonight but still tonight. Unbelievable.
Adam leaves to go take Jude to his football game and Clive and I are hanging out. My mom and Zoe and Annabelle come up to visit.
The nurse comes in to show me how to do the injections. She tells me they will be in prefilled vials so she showed me the needles and I give my first shot! It went great! He cried a little but I loved him through it and we both survived. My mom and the girls leave and Clive and I take a much needed nap.
Nathan and Amber Frick come to visit and they stay until Adam gets back. We leave at 7:35, stop by PF Changs and get home!!! So nice!
Clive is so happy to be home. He's rolling around on the floor and so happy to be down!
Saturday night, I look at the medicine that they delivered. Not prefilled vials. My vials have mL on them, my directions are in units. No idea! So Sunday morning, I call the doctors office. Jo, the NP, calls me back. She asks how the MRI went and she audibly sighs and says "Praise the Lord!" Then I go on to explain my dilemma. She says she would be more comfortable if she could show me. At this point, I am afraid they're going to make us go back to the hospital. Then Jo said she would come to my house that afternoon! Again, God is so good! It was Annabelle's birthday and I didn't want to spoil that! She comes over and shows me exactly what to do. Amazing!
So that is where we are now. Waiting and watching but with a much better prognosis than what we thought a couple of days ago. God's hand was present throughout this whole experience and I cannot even talk about it without crying. He is so very good to us.

My Favorite Actors

I have four favorite actors. These people are my absolute favorites! They are not what I would call "mainstream". Not that people don't know who they are, but they're not the ones plastered all over the tabloids. You don't hear people speculating if they are still married (which, all four of them are married), you don't see their mug shots from when they've been arrested for employing the services of a prostitute and you don't see them constantly spouting their political views as if being in a movie or two has now made them a political expert.

1. Matthew Macfayden: I first saw him in Joe Wright's version of Pride and Prejudice. I love that movie. He plays Darcy wonderfully, you can see his emotions in his eyes. Since I saw him in that, I have now seen him in several different movies and each one is a completely different role. In Death at a Funeral (a hilarious British comedy that came out years before the one with Chris Rock in it, but same story line) he was very funny. Seriously funny. It was great to watch his being funny and laughing, especially since Mr. Darcy, well, very rarely smiles. Most recently, he is the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood with Russell Crowe. He looks absolutely terrible in this movie. Stringy hair and just an all around terrible person. Its great to see him do so many things! Most of his career has been on stage or on the BBC, so some of his stuff is hard to come by in the US.

2. James Frain: I first saw him in Where the Heart Is with Natalie Portman. Who didn't cry when he was talking about his dead sister's funeral and he said, "I couldn't take her brown roses." I cry every time. Then I saw him in The Count of Monte Cristo a movie which I have watched many times. He plays Villefort, who is not a nice man at all and is responsible for making sure Edmond Dantes goes to prison. Frain plays it so believably and when the Count reveals his true identity to him, his reaction is so real. Its great. Frain is becoming a little more mainstream now because he is on True Blood and next will be seen on NBC's The Cape. I look forward to that.

3. Jim Caviezel: I first saw him in The Thin Red Line an amazing WW II movie with an impressive cast list. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and he was so good in it. Of course, most people saw him in The Passion of the Christ and he was so good in it. I cannot imagine what a huge undertaking that must have been for him and I know he was attacked for being in it. (By critics and by actually being struck by lightning while hanging on the cross - I still get shivers just thinking about it) But my favorite role of his is still Edmond Dantes in The Count of Monte Cristo. His need for revenge can only be squelched by his love for Mercedes and the story is so moving. I loved the book and, therefore, loved this movie.

4. James McAvoy: (They're all named Jim or James! Not intentionally) I first saw him in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe as an adorable fawn named Mr. Tumnus. Who wouldn't fall in love with Mr. Tumnus? He almost cries several times in the movie and, once again, he was one of my favorie characters in the book, so, of course, he was endearing in the movie as well. Not to mention he is from Scotland and as a result has that amazing Scottish accent that I could listen to for hours! He was also in Atonement (one of my all time favorite movies - so good) The Last King of Scotland (good movie about Uganda) Wanted and Penelope. Now, I would not necessarily recommend anyone see Penelope which is a movie about a girl who is born with a pig nose. This is a result of a spell placed on a weathly, spoiled family and the only way to break the spell is for someone to love Penelope and believe in her. Long story short, Penelope (Christina Ricci) and Johnny Martin (James McAvoy) fall in love with each other, but in the end, it is Penelope's own love for herself and belief in herself that breaks the spell. The movie itself is actually pretty stupid, but Johnny Martin's love for Penelope shines through McAvoy's eyes in a way that would make any skeptic believe in the power of love.

There are my favorite actors. Some day I'll do a list of my favorite Broadway singers/actors. But, for now here is this list. :)

Football

Well, since I have had the opportunity to watch more football than any other time of the year, I thought I would post about it. I do love watching football. Seriously. I have always enjoyed it and it is even more fun now that I have learned more about the game and how its played. I really enjoy it. Now, before you get the idea that my football loving husband is the luckiest man in the world, you should know some things about how I watch football.

1. The feel good story that comes on before the game...you know, where they tell you all about the heart of the team that's about to play...that story is 100% for me. I am now a Middlebury College fan for life because for the last 50 years freshmen athletes have gone to pick up a man named Butch for every sporting event. You can see a video about it here. By the way, Middlebury College is in Vermont. I had to look it up, but I will always cheer for them just because of Butch.

2. I root for the Baltimore Ravens. Not because Ray Lewis is one of the best players of all time. But because the quarterback's name is Flacco, which reminds me of Falco, which was the name of Keanu Reeves character in the Replacements and who doesn't love Keanu Reeves, right?

3. I cry almost every time someone gets hurt. I realize that its football, but that 6'3" 350 pound pile of muscle is somebody's baby boy and she is probably sitting somewhere just praying that he's okay. I know they get paid lots of money and that is a risk you take when you play football, but I'm pretty sure that mother is not consoled by that as she waits to see if he moves his arms.

4. I tend to root for teams that are more...asthetically pleasing. If the coach and quarterback are "prettier" I usually root for them. I will always root for Tom Brady over Aaron Rodgers, especially when Tom's hair is long like it is now. It's probably wrong, but that' s just the way it is.

5. Same thing for the team colors. I will never be able to root for a team who wears bright orange and plays on a blue field. Sorry, Boise State, but it hurts my eyes. (Of course, Tennessee orange on a regular field is just fine) And, while we're on the subject, the throwback uniforms are never a good idea. Especially when you are Tampa Bay. When you changed the uniform from that hideous orange color, you started actually winning games. You should probably never wear those uniforms again. I'm just sayin'.

6. The last thing is that I sometimes want to call in and remind the commentators that, when they are commenting on these college bowl games, they are criticizing 18-22 year old kids. Actually, I felt that way this whole season for the Vols. A true freshman quarterback! Be nice to him! He's just a baby!

One last thing...Yes, I am a Tennessee fan. After that, I am an SEC fan. So, on January 10th, Go War Eagles! I mean, in what universe does a Duck bring fear? Go Auburn!

Birthdays...

We now have an 11 year old, a 7 year old and a 6 year old in our house! Yes, it's been that long since I blogged. How very sad. And lots has happened!

On May 7th, Zoe turned 11! That's right...11 years old. How that happened, I'll never know...I'm only 17! :) Anyway, for her birthday, Adam took her to Atlanta to see Mary Poppins at the Fox Theater. They went out to dinner first and then the show. She loved it and they had a great time. The next day, we had a party at the park and tons of her friends were there, so she had a great time.



On May 14th, Sebastian turned 7! Unbelievable. His birth story is here. We took a few of his friends to the Lookouts (our minor league baseball team) game. Everyone had a great time and the weather was perfect. The next day, we went to Chuck E Cheese just our family and Nana. It was a lot of fun and a perfect birthday for him.



On June 1, my brother and sister-in-law and their two children moved to town. All of my family is now here! Its been so much fun having them here. They have a daughter (Tristen) who is 3 months older than Zoe and a son (Jaxon) who is between Sebastian and Jude. We have lots of fun with them. For the first few weeks they were here, they hadn't started working so we got to spend lots of time with them and it was really fun!



On July 20th, Jude turned 6! His birth story is here. Again...unbelievable. For his birthday, we had a bowling party. Lots of his friends came and it was a lot of fun. He had a blast. On his actual birthday, which was a Tuesday, we went to see Despicable Me. Funny movie. Jude laughs hysterically every time the little girl says, "Its so fluffy!" Which makes everyone in the family laugh.



We are homeschooling again this year, but I'm not sure when we're going to start yet. We may not start till September. I would like to try to get in a trip to see some friends before we start back up and I will wait till schools here start before we go on that trip.



That's about it...

Zoe's Birth

I have written the birth stories of my other three kids, but am just now getting around to writing Zoe's. Hers was by far the most traumatic for me, but here is the story...

It was Adam's first year of law school and we had just moved to Mississippi. I had been at my new $8 an hour job about 3 weeks when we found ourselves staring at a stick with two pink lines on it. Oh no, that can't be right. That was the cheap, Wal-Mart brand test, so it was probably not right. So, I headed to the store to purchase the expensive EPT brand. Yep. More pink lines. Adam and I were both 22 years old at the time and had a brief moment of excitement before reality kicked in. We went to O'Charleys and had dinner and rented the movie Nine Months. The next morning, well, that's when reality set in. One person working, one person a full time student, living in Mississippi, where we only knew two people, no health insurance, yada yada yada and the list goes on. Not only did I not have health insurance, I did not have a doctor. And, I didn't know anyone in Mississippi to ask about a good doctor. So, Adam's mom suggested that we visit a Christian, crisis pregnancy center and they would at least be able to point me in the direction of a good doctor. Not a bad idea. This pregnancy was definitely a crisis.
So we went to the crisis pregnancy center. We were probably their dream come true. A married couple who had no intention of terminating the pregnancy. So they did another pregnancy test (the three I had done at my house didn't count) and then gave me a boatload of helpful information. Seriously, this was the most helpful place ever. They got me registered as a patient with some of the best doctors around, who took anyone this crisis pregnancy center sent them because the doctors themselves were wholly dedicated to the pro-life cause. Then,I applied for Medicaid in Madison County, Mississippi and we were able to breath a sigh of relief.
The pregnancy itself was uneventful and we all of a sudden found ourselves in the month of April. Zoe was due on May 21. First year finals for law school were in the last week of April and ended on May 5. During the third week of April, you guessed it, I start having contractions. I tell my doctor, and sure enough, I am 2-3 centimeters dilated. Doctor tells me not to do unnecessary walking, no sex, no Mexican food, etc. I am confident I will make it until after exams. Adam is not so confident. Since he is not allowed to bring cell phones into an exam, we coordinated a plan with the secretaries at the school so I could call them and they would go get him, if I needed him. I proceeded to go to work everyday. It was a sedentary job and was hourly, so I didn't get paid if I wasn't there.
Exams came and went with no incident. Two days after his last test, on May 7th, I had a scheduled doctor appointment. She tells me that I am 4 centimeters dilated and do I want to have the baby today? This is the moment where I should have said, "No, I'll just let nature take its course." But, I had heard many stories and this seemed like the best way to do it, right? So, we were instructed to go home, get our stuff and meet her at the hospital. Okee dokee.
We go home, take the dog where he was staying, and head to the hospital. When I get to the hospital, I am now 6 cm dilated. 2 cms in an hour and a half. Progress. They get me all settled in and, for some reason, give me pitocin. No one ever told me that I could say No. No one ever told me that there is no rule that you have to have pitocin. I have since had three other babies without it, and, believe me, they did come out on their own. So I took it. My body doesn't like pitocin. My contractions are now on top of each other and I am in horrific pain. The nurse "helpfully" suggests that I take a narcotic to "take the edge off the contractions." That is code for "making you completely loopy out of your mind, but still very much in pain." Not good. Now I am hurting terribly, but too out of my head to do anything about it.
Finally, when I am between 8-9 cm, I ask for the epidural. The baby's heartrate is going down with contractions and the nursing staff is concerned. I don't know they are concerned, they are doing a good job concealing it. The lady comes to do the epidural. I think she might have thought I was going to wind up needing a c-section, because she gave me enough medicine to put down a horse. I could not feel (or move) anything from my waist down. This will work in the doctor's favor later.
So, the doctor comes in and tells me it is time to push. This is definite evidence of too much epidural, as I can assure you that no one had to tell me it was time to push my other children out! Tons of nurses come in the room. I didn't know this wasn't the normal thing as I had never had a baby before. There is my nurse that's been with me the whole time, another nurse on the right side of the bed, which is also where Adam is standing. This is the nurse who puts her hand on my bottom and tells me to push against her hand. Oh, yes. Push against your hand that I cannot feel. No problem. And then there is a nurse with short black hair, three earrings in one ear and two earrings in the other. I barely remember what anyone else looked like, but this woman, I remember. She is etched on my memory because she was helping me push Zoe out by laying her arm on the top of my belly and pushing the baby down. I distinctly remember looking at her and saying quite rudely, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Yes, I had bruises afterwards. Nice.
Now things are getting a little tense. Zoe's heartrate is really low, but they're trying to get her out without the c-section. Enter the vaccuum sucker thing. This is an instrument used to suck the baby out by creating suction with the top of the baby's head and pulling. This works best if the baby's head is actually engaged and ready to be pulled out. Zoe was not. But they sucked her out anyway and she tore me on the inside and outside. And, out she came a beautiful shade of....BLUE! She was not breathing. Her one minute APGAR score was a 4. She finally started breathing and crying and eventually turned pink. You could almost hear all of the medical personnel in the room exhale. I was so drugged all I said was, "Hey, baby." Slow and slurred. Good thing the baby doesn't remember that.
My doctor, on the other hand, was completely focused on trying to stitch me up. My inner vaginal wall needs to be stitched back together. I cannot begin to explain the pain. I looked at the nurse on my right side and said, "I thought I had an epidural. I don't think it worked or is working. It really hurts." She condescendingly tells me, "That's not pain you're feeling, honey. It's pressure. The epidural can't stop the pressure." Now having given birth naturally, I realize that there is a distinction, but at the time, the doctor had BOTH OF HER HANDS TOTALLY INSIDE OF ME TRYING TO STITCH, SO THIS ANNOYED ME! I wanted to show her pressure up her nose.
This is also the time where it works in the doctor's favor that I cannot move my legs, because I would have for sure kicked her right in the face. She was killing me and not able to get to the spot that needed stitching. They then decide to put me to sleep to finish the stitching. Yes, that's right, I get put to sleep AFTER giving birth. Nope, we couldn't have done that 20 minutes ago. General anesthesia. I wake up an hour later and finally get to hold my baby. She was a teeny little thing, weighing 5 pounds, 15 ounces and 19 3/4 inches long. And she was perfectly healthy. The recovery from Zoe's birth was very long and hard. It was a good two years before I could think about having another baby without breaking out into a cold sweat. But, she was a very easy baby with a sweet disposition and continues to bring joy to us!

My Girls Only Weekend

Last weekend, my sweet husband gave me a weekend away with my dear college friend, Heather. Yes, it was just the two of us! NO KIDS! We met in Nashville (she lives in Memphis) and stayed in a hotel. We went on Friday and stayed until Sunday. It was so much fun! I have never done anything like that before in my life! We just hung out, ate, shopped, went to see New Moon (twice-she is a Twilight fan like me) and, well, just enjoyed being together. I laughed so much! The first night we were there, we got lost trying to find the movie theater, which, of course, was funny to us because neither of us knew where we were. Then, when we found the movie theater, it was actually walking distance from where we had decided we were lost and turned around. By the time we got to the theater, we were both laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt and we both had to go to the bathroom. Then, we go to purchase our tickets for the movie and the lady who is taking our money tells us that their water has been turned off so their restrooms are out of order. So, we buy our tickets and look for somewhere else to go. We see a Subway that appears to be attached to the movie theater. We had gotten a really good parking spot at the movies so we decided to walk to Subway. Turns out that Subway was NOT attached and was quite a bit further than either of us realized. And, it was so cold outside! But it was a pretty funny comedy of errors, to say the least.
We ran into a couple that we went to college with, which was funny too. We had decided in the hotel room that since we were comfortable, we weren't going to change clothes to go to the movie. I mean, who are we going to see? So, I had on my running pants and an old ZTA t-shirt and Heather had on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Nice. And, of course, we see two people we haven't seen in 10 years or so. But, it was good to see them and they didn't even laugh at how we were dressed! :)
Saturday was filled with shopping because it's always fun to shop in a new mall even if the stores are pretty much the same! And Saturday afternoon, we went back to see New Moon again. Saturday night we went to Red Lobster-YUM!!! I don't get to go to Red Lobster very often because Adam doesn't like the smell of seafood, so that was a special treat. After dinner, we just hung out in the hotel room. So much fun.
Sunday, we just got up and headed home, which was sad, but I felt so refreshed and rested. On my way home, I met my friend Kim who now lives in Tullahoma and had lunch at O'Charleys. That was fun too because we also never get together without our kids.
It was a great weekend!!! Thanks to my fabulous husband who let me do it and when I got back, he told me I needed to plan things like this at least twice a year!!! Yay!!!!!